You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
