i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
