yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
