Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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