; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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