he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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