ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
