remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
