I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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