i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
