If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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