So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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