well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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