Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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