I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Randomize
