You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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