The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
