barbara walters just said penis...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
