Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
