I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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