Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
