is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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