Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
