I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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