What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
