he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How does one acquire holy water?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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