i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
