she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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