Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
