she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
