There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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