It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
