Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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