Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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