This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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