every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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