I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
