I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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