Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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