this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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