the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize