i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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