Will you blow on my dice?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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