Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
