No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
