The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
