If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
