I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
