Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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