btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
