my being single is dangerous.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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