dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
