I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
