please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
