Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Randomize
