You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
