Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
