My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
