i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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