I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
