we're blogging at a bar
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
