dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
