So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
