I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
