My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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