I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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