i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
