I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
