Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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