Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
