I got chris browned last night
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I would ride that face into the sunset
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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