Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize