Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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