at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
