I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
