Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
